well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
