Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
