having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
