No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
