the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
