I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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