Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
