Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
