You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
