Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i was born a porn star she said
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
