We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
