i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
