my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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