ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
