O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
