There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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