I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
