My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
