okay pat passed out under dana's car
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
