so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
