it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
God, you're like boner-b-gone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
