I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
