end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
