In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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