It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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