Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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