Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
