The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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