we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
