Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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