Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
