Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
