Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
