I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
