drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Enjoy the penises
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
