Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
