I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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