An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
