So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
