How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
