Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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