im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
