I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize