Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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