The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
