Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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