My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize