"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
