I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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