If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize