when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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