apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
