Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
