In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
