i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm too high and old for this...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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