The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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