Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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