it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
