saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
