i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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