the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm both gender and math confused
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
