Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
