another moral hangover. fuck.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
