I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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