Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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