Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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