i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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