this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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