the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize