AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
