What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
