maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
did i walk over a car last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
