And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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