what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
