I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
