Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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