It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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