I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
