I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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