I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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