I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
