I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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