fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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