Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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