I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
