so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
