I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
