If i come over, it means nothing
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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