Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
She bit a glass in half.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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