need another drink. this is the easiest way
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
