She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
did you just send me my own nude
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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