she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
