i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
